Good Decision Maker…Part 1

So today I air our ‘dirty laundry’. At #HomeCrazzyHome, PanKwake…

  • Does not have any limits on her computer time or filters on what she watches on YouTube…
  • Is not made to eat what I cook at a table at a specific time…
  • Does not have a bedtime…
  • Is not forced to bath/shower…
  • And certainly not forced to read/write/maths in a workbook at a certain time.

I am sure I am missing some that may shock you. But all of that is the essence of #RadiCoolUnschooling.

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That is it in a nut shell.

I spent yesterday debating (that is the nice way of saying it) with someone that I once respected whether or not ‘children’ should have mobile (cell) phones. Normally, I do NOT bother with such things. Most people are not willing to have their paradigms challenged. They don’t want to change. But this one espoused thinking outside of societal boxes.

It seems though that only adults should have the right to make their own decisions. ‘Children’ need to be told what to do.

Folks, there is a HUGE whole in your theory.

If you spend sixteen…eighteen…twenty-one…or more years telling someone what they can and cannot do…making their decisions for them…when that day comes…they won’t be very good at making their own!

I always said…

I don’t raise children. I produce intelligent, productive, and happy adults (I hope…so far most of those with four adult offspring and counting).

Am I saying that a two year old should have the run of the place with no rules?

Not necessarily…though honestly the needs for strict rules has as much to do with the way of modern life as anything. Indigenous peoples allow children as young as four to form their own self-governing society with the older ones looking out for the younger. They are also able to transition from this little human society to the tribe gradually as THEY feel the capacity to do so.

What is more most do not have chiefs. They are true democracies…with the group making decisions such as when to move or where together by consensus. What is even more shocking to our ‘civilized’ minds is that women and even ‘children’ have as much say in those decisions as men.

These ‘savages’ already have the ‘equality’ for which we ‘civilized’ aspire.

The thing that as long as we accept the Control and Conditioning mentality and methods of society nothing is going to change or get better.

From birth (perhaps before) we are communicating dependence to our little humans. To then expect some magical…you’re an adult now…make your own decisions…be responsible…is ridiculous. Why do you think that most people waste their first year of college/uni? Because they do not know how to make good choices. They never had to before.

And these days increasingly more and more young adults (and 40+ ones too) are ending up back at home. I am not naive enough to believe that issue is this simple. It is complex economics. But the lack of decision making skills is a part of that equation.

We had the most wonderful, caring, amazing woman who worked with PanKwake for over a year. She was smart. She had great instincts. She could handle a crisis. And she had a heart of gold. She did though totally lack self-confidence. She was unable to accept praise. She second-guessed every single decision she made and everything she did. She was not humble…she was broken.

When we met her mother…I knew why. She was constantly telling this almost thirty year old woman what to do…why she was doing it all wrong…how she could do it better. It actually hurt to watch it. Are you shocked to know that both this woman and her brother still lived at home? Had relationship trouble?

I never know exactly what to say to other ‘adults’ my age who brag that their adult children…and grandchildren live with them. Yes, I know about cultural issues. But the thing is…in those situations at some point the young people become the primary decision makers. The elders may advise them sure. But the home belongs to everyone…there is an equality there. It is not the same thing at all as living with your parents.

The other thing is that Control & Conditioning methodology limits our options as citizens of the world. It is a slave mentality. First, we are the property of our parents. They make decisions for us.

Then the schools tell us what to do and think. They reward obedience and rote memorization of facts that most of us will never use. Teach skills more fitting for the industrial age than the post-modern one in which we live…and who even knows what the future will ask of them. It penalizes creativity and free-thinking. And do not dare to questions authority.

We may have that brief taste of freedom in college or a gap year. But it is soon off to a life-time of indentured servitude. Working for someone else…always striving for things that society tells you you ‘need’. Wearing masks of proper behavior…sometimes even at home with your partners.

And what is your reward? Happiness? Success? Comfort in your twilight years? Hardly! You are used up and tossed away the same as we do with our bins each week.

And yes…this path began with loving, well-meaning, devoted parents who wanted to protect their children…to give them the best. But by denying them their humanity…taking decision making away from them for much of their life…we are sending the message…

You are not capable. You cannot make good decisions.

And they hear us…loud and clear. And it sticks with them. It paralyzes them for their whole lives. They go through life afraid of change…frighten of *f*ing up. Yes, to be fair…that is the way that most of us were parented. But it does not have to remain that way. We can do better for them. We can give them more than we had. We can enable them to reach for the stars…

That is tomorrow’s blog though…

Published by Tara Cox

Writer of Literary Erotica Real-life, hot sex, deep meaning... In my day job, I am homemaker, home educator, urban farmer, and homesteader at our @HomeCrazzyHome.

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