Yes, yes, of course, there are times when bigger/older humans must control little humans.
Things like health & safety…immediate ones like running into roads is a good example. Forget being all nice and logical…explaining why you should not. That should have been done BEFORE you left the house. Too late now. In that moment…keeping the little human safe and alive is all that matters.
But the truth is…there are far, far fewer of those times than we think there are.
I discovered this myself over the past few months. Through our parties…
Parties are a monthly occurrence at #HomeCrazzyHome. They are utter and complete madhouses…always. #HomeCrazzyHome is HUGE. I mean four floors and I don’t even want to count the number of rooms…though half of them are not functional yet. We have almost every possible ‘kid’ thing out there. But we do our best to make it accessible to the #neurodivergent including a quiet/sensory area.
But with between eight and fifteen little humans running around…it seems small. And LOUD!!!!
I always spend days preparing…the food to the theme…and crafts or activities that go with it.
The truth is though…the little humans rarely do half…any of that. Instead they are like those indigenous tribes I spoke of. They form their own groups…separate from the adults. They create their own activities and games from the resources available. My fav was Dr Pepper shots.
They almost never come to their big humans. Except the truly little ones…remember even those tribes under fours stayed with moms and other big humans.
What had, until I had the pleasure of watching them, worried me was…
Given our experiences not only at school but on playgrounds, I have felt the need/obligation to hover…to protect PanKwake. Not just physically as with health & safety, but emotionally as well.
My concerns were virtually foundless. In the year…close to a dozen parties…only twice has bullying been an issue. And both times it was with schoolers.
Are their cliques? Some…though little humans often move between groups seamlessly. Much better than big humans can/do.
Are their leaders? Most definitely. Usually, PanKwake among them. But leaders/the strong are NOT the same as bullies.
Have you ever watched one of those wildlife videos of lion cubs playing while the lionesses relax nearby…keeping an eye out for predators mind you? Yes, there are alphas…even among the cubs. Yes, they play rough. Sometimes even get hurt. But the lionesses do NOT intervene.
Unless things get out of hand…unless it gets personal. Unless the strong bully the weak. Because the lionesses know…we all need one another.
You cannot be a leader/alpha without a pride.
And for the most part, even cubs know that.
Our little humans have awed and inspired me with how well they know that.
Better than us big humans most of the time.
Like I said…except for schoolers! Does that tell you something? But that is another blog…or maybe more of PanKwake’s message than mine.
Like I have always said…I am NOT perfect. I fail. Lots!
And like most parents one of my biggest failings is not giving PanKwake and other little humans enough credit for what they can do for themselves.
I too have to remind myself…to trust PanKwake’s decisions. And to support her…even…ESPECIALLY…when she makes a mistake.
We cannot protect our little humans from making our mistakes. They cannot learn off of our dimes as the saying goes. They must learn for themselves.
Our job as parents is not to protect them from falling, but to encourage them to get back up again…and when they can’t…to pick them up, dust them off, hug them…and put them right back on their feet.
We seem to almost all get that one right when it comes to them teaching themselves how to walk…but then we forget it for the next fifteen years or more. We should not.
My message to myself and other big humans…
Don’t underestimate the capacity of little humans to be Good Decision Makers!
Give them as much practice as you can. What you are really doing is giving them the wings to fly…to be on their own. If birds and lionesses understand this…why can’t we?