“On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.”
― Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
I have a confession to make. I had a horrible day yesterday. And while the clocks went forward, I am up at 4 a.m. which is really three. Two hours earlier than usual. But that is better than lying in bed and ‘thinking.’ As the Brits would say, I am ‘losing the plot.’
It hit me yesterday. Really and truly hit me. That as much prepping as I have done, readying our food supplies, gardening, and even self-isolation, it may all be for naught. It is still possible that we are incubating the virus in our @HomeCrazzyHome or that as careful as I am being it could come in on one of the packages that are our lifeline and my sanity.
‘If we can get this down to numbers 20,000 and below, that is a good outcome in terms of where we would hope to get to with this outbreak.’
Twenty thousand deaths = a good outcome?
I want to scream. I have cried more than once yesterday. Alan and I held one another tightly. Even in the middle of the night, we reached for one another and squeezed hands tightly.
Too little, too late?
I am talking about the government’s response. Or dare I say, my own? And most would consider our measures extreme.
I am certain that my mood was not helped by the fact that the weather was overcast and windy, making gardening problematic yesterday. I am hoping it will be better today.
To make matters worse, I feel like such a hypocrite. All this talk to everyone about staying busy, maintaining a positive outlook, and taking care of your mental health, and look at me? I even drew back from the people that I had been checking up on every day online. I did not want to pull them down.
I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter what we do – this thing is going to affect us all. Almost everyone will know someone who got it or died. We, as a modern society, have never faced anything like this before.
I vividly remember 9/11. And three thousand people died. Most people knew none of them. Yet, our world was transformed forever. The way we fly. What we ould tolerate in terms of search, seizure, and imprisonment. We traded our privacy and liberty for ‘security’ or the illusion of it.
What will we trade this time? How will our world and societies change?
I am the optimist with a bit of realist thrown in there. I want to believe that this will make us more aware of food security, education, and health care. That we will see who is vital to our survival (hint: it ain’t bankers). And that we will come out the other side of this stronger.
But at the cost of 20,000 human lives? In the UK alone! Hundreds of thousands, perhaps a million worldwide. And that is not even 1% of the world’s population.
Living with, and more importantly loving, someone who is high-risk, it is challenging to always be that optimist. To be that Mary Sunshine. Twenty-thousand is horrid, unthinkable. But the truth is that it is one which concerns me most. (Yes, I have children, but none of them fall into this category, so, it is not as real somehow.)
Alan though brings this one home. In the past couple of years, he has had food poisoning that weakened his immune system. Then, of course, the whole issue of our guinea girls causing his allergies to go so haywire that it affected his breathing and other health.
What set me off yesterday was talking about worst-case…he got it and needed to go to the hospital (I can’t bring myself to think beyond that without losing it). I said that I would get one of @PanKwake’s or our friends to move in here and I would go with him. He told me that would not be possible. They aren’t allowing the family to stay with patients.
The very idea of not being allowed to be there for the person you love devastated me. I am by nature a carer. To be denied that ability for the person I love so deeply is unfathomable.
It sent my mental health spiraling the drain, resulting in a near-miss double meltdown with @PanKwake, who is going completely stir-crazy and cannot truly grasp why we can’t go out at all.
Am I better today?
I am determined to be. I will get out into the garden, build the raised bed that was delivered a few days ago. I will cook a Sunday dinner for us. And I will smile.
When those thoughts intrude, I will hug him tighter and be grateful that even before this crisis we never had to wonder…
Yes, I have laid there watching him sleep and counting my blessings. That is a legacy of Alan losing Telsa and of all the frogs I kissed before finding a prince. We both know better than to ever take one another for granted.
And I hope that is another legacy that will come from this tragedy…a deeper appreciation for the people in our lives.
It’s so hard to imagine that just a month ago I was stressing over a wedding. Now, I am married. that was the simple part in this uncertain world in which we live. Please, I encourage you all to hug someone close to you today, or reach out and call them, and if you’re all alone then hug yourself. It is all about perspective, folks.
Okay, time for me to do as I said and get off here. A naughty story to edit and post, then menus and plans to write for the week. Stay busy, folks. Oh, and one more…
Goddess bless and keep you all,
From our @HomeCrazzyHome to yours.
To the only man that I want to hold my hand on this roller coaster ride that we call life…I love you more than I can ever say.