Find Your Tribe…

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I guess I am a couple of decades ahead of Dame Helen with this one.

But sometimes even I need reminders of how important it is…

NOT to waste your time or energy on the wrong people…or things!

Sometimes those lessons are painful…and other times it feels like coming home. Yesterday was one of those good times.

A couple of weeks ago I blogged about leaving ANOTHER online support group for parents of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) little humans. I did so when the group owner/leader actually questioned if her child was a psychopath.

One thing I know to the bottom of my heart is…

Our autistic/PDA/neurodivergent little humans have enough challenges in this world…bad parents should not be one of them.

But ya’ll know Facebook…it never leaves you alone. Always suggesting new ‘friends’ and groups. One caught my eye, the other day. A more positive outlook on mentoring your little PDAer. So I sent a request to join. It was approved yesterday and…

It felt like coming home!

You see these women, mostly, get it. They understand. Yes, we still face all the same challenges of life on the autistic spectrum and especially with Pathological Demand Avoidance. Late nights. Sometimes too honest comments to total strangers. Refusal to do things. Strange diets. And all the rest.

But they understand the best responses are…



Unconditional Love…

And Laughter…lots and lots of laughter.

And like that…my faith in humanity was restored. My spirit was lifted.

But that could not have happened if I kept holding on to the old. It was only by dusting off my sandals and moving on that I could find my place…my tribe.

But as Dame Helen says…when we are younger too often we hold on to the wrong people, the wrong situations, the wrong jobs, just the WRONG for way too long. A big part of that may be that humans do not like change…uncertainty…or risk.

I have certainly been guilty of that very thing myself. Staying in bad relationships…out of fear that no one else would want me. Staying in stressful jobs…out of need for a paycheck. Hanging onto friends who pulled me down instead of lifting me up…I even justified it as they ‘needed’ me.

So let me add a tiny bit of my personal wisdom to Dame Helen’s words…

Your purpose…your ideals and ethics…are more important than people!

What? How can ideals or ethics be more important than people? Are you heartless?

Not at all. But I have learned through bitter experience and wonderful ones too…that the RIGHT people will never ask you to choose between them and the things you know to be true in your spirit. They will understand and support you. Believe in and lift you up. You will feel refreshed and good in their presence…even if it tires you out sometimes.

Another truth…

There are only so many hours in the day, days in the week, weeks in the years, and ultimately years in your life.

And recent events have shown…you have no control over when your time is up. Oh sure, we all know that, but sometimes we get reminders…violent, shocking ones.

So DON’T waste yours on the WRONG things and people.

As hard as it is…and I do know a thing or two about this one too…some people just don’t want to buy your ‘snake oil’. Your message is not for them. And even if you see how much they need it…how desperately things can change if they would only listen…

If they have not listened so far…chances are pretty darn high they won’t.

In fact, sometimes the best thing that you can do for them is…WALK AWAY. 

Feeding some people’s need for attention, for poor you’s, sympathy, being their crutch…means they don’t have to stand on their own two feet. Your support may actually be keeping them from growing.

Let go! Move on…to something better for you…and them!

Do what you are meant to do…focus upon your goals…your ideals…your purpose…in that limited time upon this Earth.

When you do, the RIGHT people will find you. Even if it is a slower course to ‘success’, it is certainly a less stressful and HAPPIER one.

Yes, sometimes the words…

Fuck Off!

Can be the kindest thing you say to someone…and yourself.

I tend to say it a tiny bit nicer though…

Don’t let the knob hit where the good goddess split you!

That’s the other thing too…close those doors on the way out. And don’t look back…


2 responses to “Find Your Tribe…”

    1. Glad you liked it!

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