This has been one of our favorite songs in our @HomeCrazzyHome for almost seven years. Well, mine and @PanKwake’s anyway…
So, what does that have to do with anything? Didn’t I promise you a photograph of my newly organized study yesterday?
Yes, I did and here it is…Before and After…
Maybe not perfect, but much better than it was. And not bad considering how much sh^t I have crammed into one of the smallest rooms in our @HomeCrazzyHome.
That song has a lot to do with my experience of cleaning and organizing this room. Yesterday, I packed away all of my wedding things: my veil, the bride’s maids bouquets, all of the fabric that I had bought to make my wedding dress, and so much more. Two boxes worth that is now stored under our bed.
Will I ever use any of it?
Does it matter?
No and yes.
Yes, I am reminded that in less than two weeks Alan and I should be celebrating our love and commitment to one another before our family and friends. Even for a small wedding, we spent thousands of pounds. Mostly on plane tickets for my sons to come from America, but also on all that sh^t in those boxes.
This is Alan’s second marriage. His first wife died of cancer almost five years ago. And it is my third. Yes, I said third. (Judgemental?) But this would have been my first real wedding. I spent so much time worrying and fussing over making it special. Some silly little girl part of me thought that if I had a ‘real’ wedding that would be a good omen for a better marriage than my others. But I admit the whole wedding thing was totally stressing me out.
And, no. It did not matter in the end. Alan and I decided that with COVID-19 looming on the horizon we would jump the gun. Because he is high-risk and because our legal and inheritance systems penalize couples who are not legally married, we brought the wedding forward.
At the time, everyone thought us Crazzy. Even the people in the Registrar’s Office were assuring us that weddings would go forward. Perhaps we could not have many guests present but they would not cancel them completely. Well, guess what? They did.
But it took us twenty minutes, two friends, and @PanKwake to do what I spent all those months stressing over and all that wasted money.
Now, all those plans, hopes, and dreams are packed neatly in two boxes under our bed.
A symbol of all the plans, hopes, and dreams that we all had that will never come true.
And there are going to be a lot of them. Things that we all have to let go of.
If that sounds fatalistic, no more so than this BBC headline:
IMF head: Dire economic forecasts may be too optimistic
“We are projecting 170 countries to see income per capita shrinking during 2020” – 87% of the atlas of the world.
And yet this detail – which is part of a broader forecast that sees world GDP dive 3% in 2020, creating “a global recession we have not seen in our lifetimes” – may not be the end of it.
“I want to stress this may be actually a more optimistic picture than reality produces,” Ms Georgieva told the BBC.
Those are the words of Kristalina Georgieva, the managing director of the International Monetary Fund.
So, no, in the grand scheme of 154,335 deaths at the time of writing (source: Coronavirus pandemic: Tracking the global outbreak) and “a global recession we have not seen in our lifetimes,” one wedding and a few thousand pounds are not that *F*ing important. Nor is Alan’s retirement, which may have to go on hold. We are still better off than many will be to face the days ahead.
But coming to terms with lost dreams and lowering our expectations are not easy processes. Why do you think so many are hiding their heads in the sands of mindless television, movies, and alcohol?
Nonetheless, there are hopes, dreams, and plans that we are all going to have to pack up and put away in the days, months, years, and decades to come.
We are going to have to get better at deciding what is really important. And what just does not matter so damned much.
I stumbled across this quote from the ancient philosopher Epictetus in my @Medium fed today:
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.”
Ruminate on that one. I am going to. But for now, time for me to get off here. I have lunch to make, a garden to work in (if it warms up a bit), and trying to finish a couple of face masks for our mail and delivery people – since the WHO (World Health Organization) seems to be changing their tune on wearing the things.
Not sure what tomorrow may bring. Maybe more on Epictetus or maybe some gardening stuff. Who knows @PanKwake may have some deep and abiding truth to share with us.
Until then, may the Goddess bless and fortify your and yours,
From our @HomeCrazzyHome to yours